Archive for the ‘Pain’ Category

What if today was my “This is my Done” day? What if today was the day I took my last breath? Fini, game over, you’re outta here day!

Did I do something to be proud of? Was I kind to someone? Did I take a moment to enjoy myself, or do something to enrich my life?

Or did I get up, grumble, snarl, procrastinate, complain and do nothing to better my day or the day of another?

I don’t know when I will go, I do know that today wasn’t my “done day,” so I am going to think about this when I rise. The last thing I want is for my last words being angry or critical. Kids need guidance and discipline, but I need to find a way to do both so they aren’t left with only the  criticism. I need to find a way for my mate to know I may have been angry over one of their actions, but I love them we would have worked through it.

If today was not your “done day,” you have time to rethink things and stack the deck in your favor.

I pass a mirror and gasp, surely that wasn’t my face staring back at me. If it were, it would be gray, crisscrossed with deep, black furrows cutting into the flesh and dead eyes consumed with pain the doctors can’t fix and refuse to treat. It would be tight, drawn, ugly.

My face would reflect the self-doubt clouding my mind, it would redden at the thought of my insecurities and shortcomings. It would smolder with the anger over lost careers, relationships and skills, all stolen by the pain.  A river of tears would flow over bloated cheeks, representing lonely hours, sleepless nights and a mountain of pills taken in vain.

How can that seemingly normal face staring back at me, be mine?