Friday Fictioneers 9/28/12

Posted: September 28, 2012 in Uncategorized

It’s once more time for the weekly photo prompt exercise known as the Friday Fictioneers. Thanks to Madison Woods and all of her generous photo contributors, a lucky group of us get the chance to read, or write our own 100 word stories based on the prompt. Mine is below the picture, the link to find the other stories or directions for adding your’s is below.

It had been twenty years since her feet tread this soil. When her father died, her unscrupulous brother, named executor, didn’t waste any time in turning her beloved, ancestral home into a cheap tourist trap. Come one, come all! Traipse through my memories, gaze at the relics of our heritage. Gaze at my father’s office, wander through my childhood bedroom and tread the stairs that she knew so well. In one year he had turned the home of one of the countries most respected statesmen into a money-making attraction.

Knowing her father was turning in his grave over the state of his beloved home, and unable to stop her brothers plans, she left, vowing never to return.  It took a single meeting, a single announcement to change her mind. When the doctor removed his glasses and wiped his face before speaking, she knew he had nothing good to tell her. He uttered word after word that passed through her numb brain, but the only thing that stuck was the fact that she month to live, tops. Not willing to spend the last days of her life connected to tubes and hoses designed to make the care givers feel as if they were doing something, she went home and cried.

She searched for comfort, but estranged from her family with few acquaintances she  found herself alone. It was a dream that reminded her of the lake and the majestic cranes of her childhood. Cranes, long thought a symbol of  longevity in her culture had been a large part of her youth. She grew up with the majestic birds and decided she wanted another day with them before the cancer won.

She quit her job, broke her lease, emptied  her bank account and left the funds with the local food bank before heading home. Not wanting to taint the visit with her brother’s greedy vibes, she kept it a secret. When the plane touched down she walked to the nearest cab stand, no luggage needed, and gave the driver the address. When the taxi stopped all she could do was stare. What had he done? What used to be a simple path through the woods was now a garish gate surrounded by signs announcing entry prices, generic characters and ads. She hoped against hope that the lake remained untouched as she paid the driver and stepped onto the path.

Sneaking past the gate, she made her way to the lake, found her favorite tree and nestled into its familiar bark, watching the birds as she alternated between sleep and slumber. Her last thought was that all was right in the world as she closed her eyes for the last time. When the birds took to the air she was sad at first, then full of joy when the wings unfurled on her back. One of them, her spirit free, she rose to join them, briefly mourning over her discarded body before soaring across the sky. She giggled when she thought about her brother struggling to explain her body.

  1. mournful and touching. Randy

  2. Jan Brown says:

    Very creative ending, a positive end to a sad story. Well done!

  3. I very much like your closing line.

  4. boomiebol says:

    Very nice! I would never have thought of this in a million years lol. Very well done

  5. Hi ST,
    Great story of transformation and rebirth. Hope this is the way it really is. Ron

  6. Carrie says:

    did she transform into a crane herself? Or was just her spirit released from the pain of its human vessel?

  7. Sad and hopeful at the same time. I’ve heard of people in deep comas say they hover over their bodies and watch as doctors work to bring them back to life. Nice work.

  8. Sandra says:

    A very nice way to go indeed. Well done.

  9. I like that she found her wings with the cranes

  10. Very nice. A sad ending with a tinge of hope.

  11. John Hardy Bell says:

    That was actually kind of chilling – in a very good way! 🙂

  12. kdmccrite2 says:

    Nicely done, and sweetly wrapped.

  13. Russell says:

    I like the spiritual tone of this. May she soar with eagles!

  14. Tom Poet says:

    I like it Turnip! Can I call you that? Swirling turnip what a funny name and serious post. Very well written, great imagery and a unique take on the prompt! My hat is off to you..

  15. Brian Benoit says:

    Lots of nice layers to this one, from the family history, to the culture, to the personal tragedy. A tight story!

  16. Now that’s nice and the way we all want to go. (Unless we can arrange to stay.)

    Kind of feel bad for the brother though. Hard to run a decent theme park with dead bodies all over the place!

  17. rich says:

    nicely done. love the transformation idea. i’m sure it could’ve been more descriptive if you went beyond 100, but we got enough to know.

  18. Wonderful use of the prompt, and a wonderful, totally unexpected ending! Love it. Love her love for the place…maybe that’s what “bought” her place there, by contrast with her brother seeing it as nothing but a moneymaker.

  19. billgncs says:

    having known the feeling of estranged family, this really saddens me. It was well written, but such a sad subject. I once read writing is supposed to produce longing, I felt it here.

    It says you are an artist. Did you go to art school ?

  20. Jan Morrill says:

    A beautiful image. Love the thought of her flying away.

  21. Anne Orchard says:

    Very evocative. I have the feeling she quite wanted revenge on the grasping brother and this was her way of achieving it.

  22. Great story. Lots of imagery and thought.

  23. dmmacilroy says:

    A beautiful story and one I like to believe is possible for us all. Her brother’s going to call 911 and that is all. She’s free and flying now.



Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s