Friday Fictioneers 8/3/12

Posted: August 2, 2012 in short stories, Uncategorized, writing
Tags: , , , ,

Check out Madison Wood’s blog if you want to read, or write a story of your own for this weekly exercise. You get a photo prompt and a few days to write a 100 word story to share with the Fictioneers.

Feel free to comment or critique my work as long as it is constructive and not mean. :-)

When the fiery orb streaked by her window, she pulled her graying head from the pillow and limped to the window, her neck creaking as she inspected the yard, damn old age, she thought. Then she saw the glow. Making her way to the yard she stared at the slime dripping on her aging cat, gasping in surprise when the arthritic tom sprung to his feet to chase a rodent. Wondering if it would have the same effect on her, she held out her hand.

Smearing it on her skin she tingled as the pain seeped from her joints. Touching her face, she could feel no trace of the wrinkles she had taken to bed. Running to the house, she flipped on the light and screamed at the yellow eyes and green face staring back at her from the mirror.  Daddy always said vanity would be my undoing, was her last thought before she fainted.


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Comments
  1. Adam Ickes says:

    All things have a price. Perhaps she should have investigated the cat more thoroughly before testing it on herself.

  2. dmmacilroy says:

    So all she has to do is break all the mirrors, right? And does she feel a desire to chase rodents? You never know, the trade off might be worth it.

    Aloha,

    Doug

    http://ironwoodwind.wordpress.com/2012/08/02/mcmurdo-countdown-objects-in-mirror/

  3. Nifti says:

    haha. i’m thinking she waited soo many years to let vanity become her undoing.
    Nice 🙂
    mine: http://niftitalks.com/2012/08/03/a-rip-in-the-bud/

  4. Sandra says:

    Nice take on the prompt. You should promote this to the anti-animal-testing faction! Good one.

  5. Mike says:

    A great take on the prompt.
    That’s one age reversing idea I think I’ll keep away from.

  6. elmowrites says:

    The way she sees it on the cat first is genius, and I love the moral you give us – a lesson for all those plastering on the anti-aging products, no?
    If I may give you a little critique, the writing style was a bit frustrating to me. You used a lot of sentences in the structure “Doing XYZ, ABC happened” and whilst it’s a useful structure to vary the tone, it grates on the reader if overused.
    You have a fantastic idea here, and think it could be a great little story, or the beginning of something much longer.

  7. And here I thought we were going to have a positive story from a yucky prompt. ;-( Sounds like some of the side effects that are discovered after people have used a “miracle” product for long enough for the effects to emerge. I’ll just keep my wrinkles, thank you!

  8. rgayer55 says:

    Well, it was worth a try. Under the circumstances, I’m sure most of us would have done the same. Very creative use of the prompt.

    One little thing, I think you could have left out the words “she thought.” When you used italics we got it. It would have given you a few more words to play with–not that the story needed them.

  9. This is a good science fiction twist for this difficult prompt. This would make a great Twilight Zone episode. Good job!

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